🎧 Heads and Volleys, Episode 69: https://pod.fo/e/13b203
We usually think feedback comes in two flavours.
"You're amazing." Not much else to say.
Or: "I've got some bad news," followed by an attempt to make it sound nice.
There's a better frame. Honest. Kind. Helpful. If every piece of feedback is underpinned by being helpful, good news and bad news start to look the same: useful.
We all say we want feedback
Send an email, finish a job, give a presentation, and we ask for feedback. I ask for it at the end of every episode.
But when it arrives, it's often cringy. Or it misses the point. Or it tells us something we already know. Or it's so glowing that we assume we'll do it the same way forever.
Our players experience the same thing. Feedback after tryouts, after games, after tournaments, inside an IDP. So zoom out for a second:
How do you deliver feedback?
How often?
Is it timely, or saved up?
Do you log it?
Then zoom in. Think about the last player you gave feedback to. Was it honest? Was it kind? Was it helpful?
We tend to skip the honesty. We avoid the hard truth because we forget we can deliver it kindly, and in a way that actually helps.
The in-the-moment version
Say we've spent a training cycle on switching the point of attack. The central midfielder is opening up and splitting the pass between the left back and left center back.
Then that player has a bad night.
The lazy feedback: "Dude, you really struggled tonight. You've got to get back into it."
I'd like to think I'd never say that. In the heat of the moment, I probably have. Walk around any soccer field on a weekend and you'll hear it constantly.
You don't have time to craft a speech mid-session. If you're aiming for multiple points of contact with every player, you can't stop the game for every one.
So keep it short:
"Hey, saw what you did there. I can see you're trying to do it. Release it a little earlier, or hold it a little longer, and next time it goes through."
Honest: it didn't work.
Kind: I saw the attempt, and I'm acknowledging it.
Helpful: here's one thing to try next time.
The kind part matters more than we think. Snap at players for failing and they stop trying. That's why so many kids just get rid of the ball. They're scared that if they lose it, they're in trouble.
Know how each player hears it
You know your players. Some respond to "that wasn't good enough." Fine. Still add the helpful part: here's what I saw, here's how you could do it better.
Tone can vary. Not every player hears feedback the same way.
I know I don't. As a player and as an employee, I need someone to put an arm around me. Tell me what to do without asking my opinion and I push back. Some of your players are exactly the same.
Knowing who they are builds the connection that lets the feedback land. It's part of my two-to-four touchpoints every session:
A personal greeting, whether they're 10 minutes early or 20 minutes late.
At least one coaching moment during the session.
Something on the way out. "Good luck on that test tomorrow." Or, "You struggled last time, but you brought your best today."
Feedback, retention and tryouts
Tryouts are a reality of youth soccer, much as we all hate them.
One thing I've pushed clubs to do: invite every player from last year back, and sign them before the tryout window opens.
They already know the club. They own the uniform. Most don't want to leave. If someone wants to move on, that's okay. You always lose your best players to somewhere better, and that's a good thing for them.
When I suggest this, I often hear: "But some of those players weren't very good."
My next question: whose fault is that?
Maybe you inherited the team. I get it. But if they aren't good enough, what are you doing to make them better? What feedback are they getting?
Usually, not much. And parents figure it out anyway. Through playing time. Through how often you say their kid's name compared to the best players. "The coach probably doesn't like me." So they start looking elsewhere.
Honest with players, and with parents
Continuous feedback fixes most of that. An IDP gives you a reference point with every player, best or weakest.
Then you can be honest: "Passing is still a struggle. You're not getting many minutes right now because these players have that position handled. Your chances come when the game slows down, or when we're in control."
As a parent, I want to hear that. It tells me where my child fits without me guessing.
Then the helpful part. If my kid is smaller, slower, with a weaker touch, what are you giving us?
Links to videos?
A game model we can watch for?
Access to game film?
A home-training app with specific work?
Or are you hoping we figure it out, don't make the roster, and quietly leave?
That happens too often. Players get chewed up and spat out when someone better comes along.
"You're not there yet"
Honest feedback sounds like this:
"You're not there yet." That's honest.
"But you show moments in practice and in games where you really get it." That's kind, and it's true.
"Here's what I want you to start doing." That's helpful.
Give them individual work to do at home, a clip from last weekend to think about, a player to watch who does it well. Then see who does it. That tells you a lot about their commitment, and it's fair.
Helpful, instead of egotistical. Not "you don't belong here."
A real example: ODP tryouts
When I was coaching the 2010 boys in Cal North ODP, that age group meant a lot to me. A lot happens in your life at that age. It did in mine.
Sixty-one players came to tryouts. I could take 24, maybe 26, into the pool. Only 18 travel to events.
There were three tryout windows: August, September, October. I wanted players to come back to the next one. So my feedback was specific:
"You weren't quite there this weekend. I saw how you were trying to progress the ball from your position. Over the next month, use your team trainings and games to practice this, this and this. That's what I'm looking for."
That way they leave with something. Not, "Great job!" and then their name isn't on the roster.
Because a player can't get better if nobody tells them what better looks like.
Make the game the best place to be
My goal is for soccer to be the best thing any player can be part of. To be the best mentor, role model and example I can be in and around the game.
Honest, kind and helpful feedback is a big part of that.
🎧 Listen to the full episode: https://pod.fo/e/13b203
@LeeDunneSoccer