Soft Skills Win.

The Part of Coaching Nobody Talks About Enough

You can have the best session plan in the world. You can know your formation inside out, run a perfect warm-up, and nail every coaching point. But if your players don't feel seen, if their families don't trust what you're doing, and if your team is just a bunch of individuals who happen to wear the same kit — none of it matters as much as it should.

That's what soft skills are. Not the X's and O's. The relationships. The community. The stuff that turns a soccer season into something people actually remember.

Every player, every session

I talk about this a lot — the two-point contact rule. Every player, every training session, gets two moments with you. One coaching point: something specific to their game, a question about a decision they made, feedback they can actually use. And one personal connection: how was the vacation, what's the dog's name, how'd the school play go?

Doesn't sound like much. But across a 10-player session, that's 20 conversations. You start to know who these kids are — their home life, their friends, what motivates them, what's going on in their world. And when you know that, you coach them differently. Better.

Here's a small thing that makes a big difference: learn the parents' names. Ask the player. What's your mum's name? What's your dad's name? Got a brother or sister? Now instead of "hey, Mom" at pickup, you've got a name. That's a totally different interaction — and it goes a long way.

The performance environment

This one trips coaches up more than anything else. After years of running surveys at my club, the single most common complaint I read in family feedback is: "all they do is play games."

And I know, from watching these coaches, that they're doing really thoughtful work. They're coaching in the flow, they're connecting with players individually, they're running a games-based approach that we know develops soccer players. But the families haven't been told any of that — so they fill in the blanks themselves.

Here's the truth: parents care about their kids. Deeply. They want the best for them. And when they don't understand what's happening at training, they start comparing — to the other club on the next field where the kids are all dribbling around cones in a nice organized line. It looks structured. It looks like something. Even if it translates less to the game on the weekend.

Your job as a coach isn't just to run good sessions. It's to bring parents along with you.

On Monday, send a message. Not about the score. About the goals. Here's what we were working on this weekend, here's how we did, here's what we're building on this week. On Friday, send a preview. Here are the two goals for tomorrow's game — one attacking, one defensive. Here's what you should be watching for from the sideline.

When parents know what to look for, the whole sideline changes. Car rides home become conversations about what you were actually trying to do, not noise about who played where. You're not just coaching your players — you're quietly educating the people around them too.

Building an actual team

Players aren't a team just because they wear the same jersey. You've got to build it.

How many team events do you do? Pizza after a game, lunch on a Saturday, a trip to the beach when the field is closed, a 7-Eleven Slurpee run after a tournament game. These aren't extras. They're how players start to become something more than training partners.

I ask every family on my teams to coordinate one event for the year. One. Twelve players means twelve events, minimum. It can be as simple as bringing popsicles after practice. But now the families are part of the team — not spectators looking in.

Will everyone show up every time? No. But take a picture of the three families who do. Post it. "Sorry we missed you, hope to see you next time." Next time maybe four come. Then five. Build the momentum slowly and it compounds.

And when you understand what your players are actually there for — whether they're driven, competitive kids who want to go to college, or older players who just want to be around their friends and have a good time — you can coach to that. You stop trying to push the whole group in one direction when half of them are pointed somewhere else entirely.

The soft skills aren't a nice-to-have. They're what determines whether families re-enroll, whether players stay in the game, and whether your team actually becomes something worth being part of.

Get the relationships right, and the coaching gets easier. Every time.

Heads and Volleys Podcast, Episode 90

@LeeDunneSoccer